Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
