State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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