My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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