maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?