dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's paper in my vomit.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking