sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.