dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.