if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
