I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
