Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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