Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
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I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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