we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
