so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
