just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
