the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
