After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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