Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
