i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
