I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
