If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
