What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
