Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
