so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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