I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
