That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
