I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
