just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
