I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
