I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
