tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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