Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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