So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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