When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
