I just pynch a tree in the face
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
