Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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