can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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