I want to make a zoo with you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
