i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
zippers are such a cool invention
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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