My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
