Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
