I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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