just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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