I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
