so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
