We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
