At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
