Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
