24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
