Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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