I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
