I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They took my balls.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
