I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
