you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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