...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
