The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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