He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
