you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
