When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
