I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize