Just cropdusted the office
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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