so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
