Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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