Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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