I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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