white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
