I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
