you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
