btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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