I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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