I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
