They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can text with my tongue
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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