We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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